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64 Seconds in Paris (Preview)

64 Seconds in Paris (Preview)

I`m not one of those parents who wrap their children up in cotton wool; I refuse to even pay for pyjamas. I do try my best to keep little Goliath away from television that he may find disturbing though, which normally involves avoiding programmes with Noel Edmonds.

Manchester United`s title winning celebrations at Eastlands caught me completely off-guard. The sight of a topless Rio Ferdinand should have set alarm bells ringing, but as he was next to a bare-chested Ronaldo; all I could think of was grabbing a can of Tango from the fridge.

Before I could reach the kitchen, the camera switched to widescreen to show Wayne Rooney with his hands gently caressing the bottom of his shirt. As Rooney`s intentions became clear, i lurched for the remote control in a desperate yet futile attempt to save Goliath from the grisly spectacle.

The wee man was left traumatised by the ensuing pictures, and he`s visited the sea-life centre on many occasions. Manchester United were in a similar state in `95 when the Hammers cost United the title; the Red Devils will finally take revenge at 3/5.

Jose Mourinho has rightly apologised for his over-the-top personal attack on Ronaldo. Judging a man as a result of his background is completely out of order; that`s the kind of thing a Frenchman would do. I`m surrendering to the 8/13 for a Chelsea win over Everton.

Reporting a crime to the filth has a certain stigma attached to it, like being seen in public with a Sweaty, but few would argue with Dabo`s decision to tuck up Joey Barton. Michael Ball`s stamp on Ronaldo would suggest that Barton has been a real influence on his team-mates; I`m putting my foot down, get on Spurs at 1/2 to see off Man City.

Charlton may have suffered the ignominy of relegation, but like Arnold Schwarzenegger, they`ll be back, probably harassing women. I`m getting my hands on the 2/5 for a Liverpool win over the Addicks.

I`m not one to point fingers, unless I see an overweight ginger-haired kid with glasses, but Freddie Shepherd should shoulder the blame for Newcastle`s awful season. A draw between the disappointing Watford and Newcastle will come as no surprise at 12/5.

Paris Hilton has found herself looking at a prison sentence, or to use the correct term; she`s gone for a Barton. (It`s heartbreaking when your favourite movie stars let themselves down.) That young lady needs to be scared straight; it would take me just over a minute. I`m currently getting stuck into the 11/10 for a Blackburn win over Reading.

Cesc Fabregas is a quality footballer, but I suspect that he may also lead a secret life as a superhero. Fabman`s noble quest is to mildly annoy tubby midfielders. An Arsenal win over Pompey is the call at an absolutely fabulous 6/4.

I have to take my hat off to Neil Warnock. The Sheffield United manager has only found himself in one touchline ruck this season; that`s a remarkable show of restraint from the combustible northerner. Sheffield United can put the nail in Wigan`s Premiership coffin at a placid 13/10.

Sammy Lee has always been a winner. The Bolton manager once played a starring role in Liverpool`s FA youth cup winning team; but he was 37 at the time. The wife is also a little person, but it doesn`t hold her back; I just put a chair by the sink. There`s nothing small about the 3/1 for an Aston Villa win over Bolton.

I`ll try anything once, except enter a pie-eating contest with Mark Viduka. I must have a go on Middlesbrough at 10/11 against Fulham.

Paris Hilton and I have a lot in common, we`re both reluctant to do a little bird. Aston Villa, Chelsea, Man Utd and Middlesbrough form a weekend accer that I am genuinely excited about; the payout is a salacious 18/1.

Weekend Betting:

Blackburn v Reading
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Blackburn 11/10
Draw 12/5
Reading 13/5

Get on: Blackburn

Match Special:
McCarthy to score two or more goals 13/2

Bolton v Aston Villa
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Bolton 10/11
Draw 13/5
Aston Villa 3/1

Get on: Aston Villa

Match Special:
Carew to score the only goal of the game 55/1

Chelsea v Everton
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Chelsea 8/13
Draw 14/5
Everton 6/1

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
John Terry to score with a header 9/1

Liverpool v Charlton
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Liverpool 2/5
Draw 7/2
Charlton 8/1

Get on: Liverpool

Match Special:
Liverpool to keep a clean sheet 10/11
Man Utd v West Ham
Sunday 13th May 15:00
Live on Sky

Man Utd 3/5
Draw 11/4
West Ham 5/1

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Rooney to score from outside the penalty area 5/1

Middlesbrough v Fulham
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Middlesbrough 10/11
Draw 12/5
Fulham 10/3

Get on: Middlesbrough

Match Special:
Viduka to score the first goal 11/2

Portsmouth v Arsenal
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Portsmouth 15/8
Draw 5/2
Arsenal 6/4

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
Fabregas to score at any time 13/2

Sheff Utd v Wigan
Sunday 13th May 15:00
Live on Sky

Sheff Utd 13/10
Draw 12/5
Wigan 23/10

Get on: Sheff Utd

Match Special:
Sheff Utd to score three or more goals 5/1

Tottenham v Man City
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Tottenham 1/2
Draw 16/5
Man City 6/1

Get on: Tottenham

Match Special:
Berbatov to score a hat-trick 20/1

Watford v Newcastle
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Watford 9/5
Draw 12/5
Newcastle 7/4

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
No goal scorer in the match 8/1

By Gerry McDonnell

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Writer:Site Staff
Date:Thursday May 10 2007
Time: 10:55AM

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# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Burnley 46 26 15 5 93 37
P Middlesbrough 46 26 11 9 89 32
3 Brighton 46 24 17 5 89 30
4 Hull City 46 24 11 11 83 34
5 Derby County 46 21 15 10 78 23
6 Sheff Wed 46 19 17 10 74 21
7 Ipswich 46 18 15 13 69 2
8 Cardiff 46 17 17 12 68 5
9 Brentford 46 19 8 19 65 5
10 Birmingham 46 16 15 15 63 4
11 Preston 46 15 17 14 62 0
12 Q.P.R. 46 14 18 14 60 0
13 Leeds Utd 46 14 17 15 59 -8
14 Wolves 46 14 16 16 58 -5
15 Blackburn 46 13 16 17 55 0
16 Forest 46 13 16 17 55 -4
17 Reading 46 13 13 20 52 -7
18 Bristol City 46 13 13 20 52 -17
19 Huddersfield 46 13 12 21 51 -11
20 Fulham 46 12 15 19 51 -13
21 Rotherham 46 13 10 23 49 -18
R Charlton 46 9 13 24 40 -40
R MK Dons 46 9 12 25 39 -30
R Bolton 46 5 15 26 30 -40
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