Lettuce get it on

Prem Betting Preview:

I`m a great believer in animal rights; I believe they have the right to fit nicely on a bun.

My attitude has undoubtedly softened since I witnessed a horrific dogfight. In the wife`s defence, the barmaid should never have called last orders.

Manchester City need a result at Middlesbrough to avoid being dragged into a real scrap at the wrong end of the table. The Boro do have one eye on Monday`s FA Cup replay; I`m considering getting involved with another psycho at 10/3.

I feel a real connection with the animal loving McCartney clan. I could never understand why Stella appeared unhappy with Heather; I`d have thought the prospect of a decent burger for dinner would have been a relief. I guess the waiting time proved an annoyance. There`s nothing annoying about the 11/10 for a Reading win over Portsmouth.

Roman Abramovich is another high profile figure to have recently split from his other half. I imagine Roman`s wife won`t be too upset though, she`s in line for a massive payout; although Frank Lampard has denied being a part of any deal.

The future of Lampard and Terry is under a cloud thanks to a proposed salary cap. Chelsea are considering introducing a £120,000 a week ceiling; I think the builder`s ripping them off. Chelsea will demolish Sheffield United at 1/5.

Call me an overly optimistic, frustrated ornithologist, but I wish that all birds were as easy to get on their backs as the Robben. A 3-0 Chelsea win should be dived on at a more punter friendly 7/1.

I was delighted to hear the news that Michael Owen is up and running again. Only Michael and his local bookmaker were more excited. I`m quite literally beside myself with the 6/4 for a Charlton win over Newcastle.

Fulham may have a fantastic record at the Cottage, but they get stopped more than Pete Doherty on the road. Wigan have the three points in the bag at 5/4.

Arsenal have appeared to have based their style of play on me. It`s pretty to look at, but there`s a real lack of penetration. If forced, I`d suggest a win for the Gunners at Goodison Park, but the skinny odds of 5/4 are a little bit like Scotland, you`re better off keeping out of it.

The wife had to meet up with the doctor last night, Martens, I think his name was. Backing the Villa to draw with Liverpool at 12/5 will cover the cost of a big bottle of Lucozade; I`ve got a raging thirst.

I must express my sense of disappointment with Anton Ferdinand. The manager was never going to believe he was visiting his grandma; only Wayne Rooney can sell that line without arousing suspicion. I`m putting my cash down on Blackburn to beat West Ham at 8/11.

Rooney may well be partnered by overrated midfielder / overrated forward Alan Smith for the visit of Bolton, but United can still be backed with real confidence at 1/3.

Ronaldo looks a great shout to open the scoring at 11/2. The procumbent winger is second only to Drogba in the race for the golden boot; that`s half decent for a lad who only plays a tiny proportion of the game in an upright position.

Here`s an adage for Martin Jol. 'You can`t catch fire if you throw away matches`. Spurs would definitely have seen off Chelsea if Lennon and Berbatov weren`t sacrificed to appease the God of 'bus-parking`. Jol can make amends by sending out a decent team to beat Watford at 1/2.

The weekend accer is so thought provoking; i`m actually considering turning into a vegetarian. Of course that`s dependent on finding a morally loose non-meat eater with exceptionally low standards. Reading, Spurs, Wigan, Blackburn and Charlton are the selections, the payout is a beefy 26/1.

Weekend Betting:

Man Utd v Bolton
Saturday 17th March 12:45
Live on Premiership Plus

Man Utd 1/3
Draw 4/1
Bolton 19/2

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Ronaldo to score direct from a free kick 6/1

Chelsea v Sheff Utd
Saturday 17th March 15:00

Chelsea 1/5
Draw 11/2
Sheff Utd 16/1

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
Drogba and Lampard both to score 4/1

Middlesbrough v Man City
Saturday 17th March 15:00

Middlesbrough 11/10
Draw 9/4
Man City 10/3

Get on: Man City

Match Special:
Barton to score the only goal of the game 70/1

Reading v Portsmouth
Saturday 17th March 15:00

Reading 11/10
Draw 23/10
Portsmouth 11/4

Get on: Reading

Match Special:
Lita to score with a header 5/1

Tottenham v Watford
Saturday 17th March 15:00

Tottenham 1/2
Draw 3/1
Watford 15/2

Get on: Tottenham

Match Special:
Berbatov to score a hat-trick 16/1

Wigan v Fulham
Saturday 17th March 15:00

Wigan 5/4
Draw 9/4
Fulham 12/5

Get on: Wigan

Match Special:
Camara to score the first goal 11/2

Blackburn v West Ham
Saturday 17th March 17:15
Live on Premiership Plus

Blackburn 8/11
Draw 13/5
West Ham 4/1

Get on: Blackburn

Match Special:
Bentley to score from outside the penalty area 13/2

Charlton v Newcastle
Sunday 18th March 13:30
Charlton 6/4
Draw 23/10
Newcastle 19/10

Get on: Charlton

Match Special:
Darren Bent to score two or more goals 15/2

Aston Villa v Liverpool
Sunday 18th March 13:35
Live on Sky

Aston Villa 3/1
Draw 12/5
Liverpool 19/20

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
No goalscorer in the game 9/1

Everton v Arsenal
Sunday 18th March 16:00
Live on Sky

Everton 9/4
Draw 23/10
Arsenal 5/4

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
A Brazilian to score the first goal 3/1

By Gerry McDonnell

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