Oh good god, no....
An article in the Guardian today has tubby Newcastle striker Mark Viduka linked with a move to Fulham.
In a quote that I would have made up if it wasn't already in the paper, Viduka's agent said
'He's feeling fit again and he's hungry'.
Which is presumably what made him tubby in the first place.
If this move happens, I'll gladly eat my hat. Assuming Mark hasn't eaten